Discovery Channel’s recent “Shark Week” programming and the repetitive showings of the four “Jaws” movies on the American Movie Classics and Spike cable networks this summer got me to thinking about the life of a great white shark from the shark’s point of view.

Until “Jaws” came along in 1975, Godzilla, in my opinion, was king of the movie creatures that brought fear to moviegoers. Then came “Jaws” … and the musical theme associated with the shark. Da. Da-da. Da-da-da-da. The increasing speed of that theme throughout the movie served notice the shark was about to attack.

And when actor Roy Scheider, playing the role of Martin Brody, Amityville’s police said, “You’re going to need a bigger boat,” he spoke the truth.

In 1975, “Jaws” had me cringing in my theater seat. This year, I found humor in those “Jaws” movies and “Shark Week.” What would it be like to interview a great white shark? Here goes.

Reporter: “What are you thinking when you swim along a beach where hundreds of people are swimming?”

G.W. Shark: “My first thought is that I’ve found an all-you-can-eat buffet.”

Reporter: “You’ve been depicted in many documentaries as having an appetite for seals.”

G.W. Shark: “Let me set the record straight. Seals are just appetizers.”

Reporter: “You also have a reputation for eating items like license plates, guitars, boots and bottles of wine. Please explain.”

G.W Shark: “If it’s in front of me and I am hungry and I can swallow it, it’s going into my gullet. I am not a finicky eater. As for the wine, I find it helps the digestive process. The trouble with wine is determining if a red wine or white wine goes with boots.”

Reporter: “What’s your view of Hollywood’s portrayal of sharks?”

G.W. Shark: “Well, the ‘Jaws’ movies are fairly accurate, except for implying we hold grudges and seek revenge. As for those movies like “Sharknado,” “Sharknado 2” and “Sharktopus,” give me a break. They just give sharks — and movie producers — a bad name. Hollywood should stick with reality, movies like ‘Godzilla’ and ‘King Kong.’”

Reporter: “Is there anything in the water that scares you?”

G.W. Shark: “Two things — megalodon and a 300-pound woman in a bikini.”

 

Mike Voss retired from the Washington Daily News in March. On occasion, he assists the newsroom when needed.