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December can be a really lonely month, which is like the ultimate oxymoron because we are expected to see friends, family, and lovers as we celebrate the holidays and ring in the new year. But what happens if you don’t have friends, family, or a lover to hold you on Christmas Day or kiss you as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve? What do you do when the only voice you hear singing Christmas carols is your own?

That feeling of loneliness can come even when surrounded by friends, family, and lovers. It can creep into the shadows of your mind and make you feel forgotten around the dinner table or left in the corner of a party after everybody else pairs up. Complicated family systems and dynamics can make the holidays feel even more challenging than if we experienced them alone, which only adds to the pain.

But two things can be true at the same time. We might feel lonely or blue this time of year while at the same time making sure those around us don’t feel lonely, too. We can suffer from our own pain while at the same time making sure those around us are bandaged and bound up with love, our love, a love that comes from someone who knows their pain and can share it.

It’s hard, though, to reach out when we ourselves are hurting. It’s hard always to be the one offering healing hands when it doesn’t feel like you’re getting the same healing offered back. But here’s another oxymoron: when we feel hurt and still choose to offer love to those around us, our hurt somehow feels smaller.

To offer love, health, and vitality to our neighbor often results in nurturing those same feelings within us, curing us from within. There’s no guarantee, of course. Some pain is too deep to be cured this way. Even still, don’t you want to be the kind of person who reaches out with love no matter the outcome, nor if anyone is giving it to you? That’s the kind of person I want to be. Someone who loves because it’s the right thing to do, and I know just how powerful a force it is. I want to love simply because that’s my nature.

It takes practice, though. And you know what they say, right? Practice makes perfect. But that’s not always the case. We may never be perfect in our ability to love our neighbors. And that’s okay. Perfection isn’t what’s being asked of us. What’s asked of us is that we do our best to care for ourselves and those around us by loving them as ourselves.

Yet, loving our neighbor as ourselves requires that we actually love ourselves, which brings me back to that feeling of loneliness. My hope and prayer for anyone reading this is that you don’t define your worth and value by what others say of you or how others treat you. You are a beloved child of God, beautiful to behold. You are a complex and beautiful creature. You are wonderful and holy and worthy of love. I love you. But, first and foremost, I hope you love yourself. I hope you can look in the mirror and say, “I am worthy of love.” And if you aren’t there yet, at least you know that I love you. And the God I have met in Jesus Christ loves you.

If that feeling of loneliness becomes too big, reach out to a friend. If it begins to hurt badly, get in touch with a mental health professional. And then remember I am here for you too. You can reach me at chris@saintpetersnc.org or 252-946-8151, and know that whoever you are, you will receive love when you encounter Saint Peter’s Episcopal Church.

Chris Adams is the Rector at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in Washington.