Now, folks, we have a guest columnist today. However, it seems best to let this person remain anonymous. For reasons that will be obvious.

So. Here’s my old and very close friend’s tale:

My wife and I drove into the parking lot of a large shopping mall. She wanted to do some shopping, but my excuse is always “I am not feeling too well, so I think I should just sit here in the car and wait for you.”

Now, after she had been in the store for a good 30 minutes or so, I really was beginning to not feel too well. My stomach had begun to sound like I had a real tiger in my tank.

So, I got out of the car and started my slow walk into the store, looking desperately for a bathroom. By now Tawny the Tiger is doing a dance in my stomach. When I ran into my wife I asked her if she knew where the bathrooms were. She pointed me in the right direction.

As I opened the door to the bathroom it was pitch black, but as the door closed behind me the lights came on and lit up the whole room. Oh!

What a wonderful feeling as I found myself a throne to sit on and needless to say I was relieved.

Then, all of a sudden the lights went out, and there I am still on my throne, in the dark, not knowing what I was going to do. I was completely in the dark.

I quickly found out that modern technology was in the bathroom. Every time I moved, the toilet would flush. It was so dark I couldn’t find the toilet paper. It was not to the right or left the way it should have been.

Panic began to creep in before I located the paper. The toilet flushed six times before I found the paper, and another six times after that.

I was able to complete the job. Now, to find the sink so I could wash my hands. I was struggling in the dark, when the lights came on, trying to locate the sink. As I got there a young man opened the door and asked me if I was all right, and that my wife had asked him to check on me, as she was quite concerned.

When I stumbled out the door my dear wife escorted me to the car and drove us home. Tawny the Tiger had quieted down.

So remember. Be careful when you say you are not feeling well, as things can happen, and you may end up in the dark!

Note — This is a true “tale,” and the inclination to have fun with that word will be resisted. My friend now has concerns about modern technology in a bathroom.